singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
