Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
