the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
