another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
