She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
