new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
