Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
