remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
