I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
