Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
