Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
