This dress was meant to end up on your floor
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
