why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
