I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
