i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
