Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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