I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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