Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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