I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
