I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
