You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
