I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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