If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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