no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
