i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
