Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
