I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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