i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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