I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
ttyl tear gas
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
