Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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