He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
