Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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