so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
