Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
