the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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