He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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