How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we made out on top of his cat.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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