My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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