Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
