sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Floor bacon is actually really good
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
