Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Randomize
