I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
