Umm I'm too high to move.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
