i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
