I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
