i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
