i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
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I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
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you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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