Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
