Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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