The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So many bounce houses so little time
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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