Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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