Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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