Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
