Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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