god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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