is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
