meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
