i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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