Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
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