there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I didn't notice because vodka
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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