I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
