I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
