im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm always down for nudity.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
