After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
