Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
