BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
