20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
