dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
