spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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