as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
