don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize