i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
