I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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