The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
