cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he's gonorrhea incarnate
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I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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