and she was petting her beer can
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
