My room smells like vodka and shame
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Can I color on your dick again?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
