it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
