I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
